Being a Neurodivergent Parent Part 1

Am I a neurodivergent parent?

If you are diagnosed or self diagnosed as any of the following and have children:

• Dyslexia
• Autistic
• ADHD
• Dyspraxia
• Dyscalculia
• Tourette’s Syndrome
• and more

Even if you have one or more conditions you are still classed as neurodivergent. 

What if I am not neurodivergent?

This makes you a mother/father of a neurodivergent child/children. In the neurodivergent community we use the term neurotypical which means non-neurodivergent. This means you do not have neurological conditions.

 

Being a neurodivergent parent can bring challenges, and also have positives and negatives.

 

Many neurodivergent parents don’t know they are neurodivergent themselves until they have children that get diagnosed as autistic, ADHD or other neurological conditions such as dyslexia, dyspraxia, etc. 

 

Being a neurodivergent can bring struggles, but also having neurodivergent children can add to the stress and worries that comes along with it. 

 

Being self aware of your own limits and strengths could help you with bringing up your children.

 

Here is a list of some challenges, positives and negatives:

• Different routines
• Different traits
• Understanding their struggles
• Better understanding of educational needs
• Similar life experiences
• Help with coping techniques
• Personality clashes
• Different/same interests
• Different sensory needs/avoidances
• Trying to parent during a burn out

 

I asked a few neurodivergent parents what are their challenges they face, also positives and negatives of being a neurodivergent parent.

Neurodivergent parent (partly self diagnosed) with multiple neurodivergent children 

Challenges 

I struggle massively with sensory issues and become very overwhelmed by my children’s noise and this can lead to frequent burnouts which leave me exhausted and feeling very down.

 

I struggle again with keeping a clean home which is important for my children. I frequently forget simple tasks; washing of clothes, important appointments and such, so I need outside support for me to complete these tasks.

 

I struggle socially so when my children are having a hard time when we’re out I can become extremely stressed as I’m very aware of people watching us, but a positive I also fully understand why my child is feeling that way and can often help far faster as I’m on the same side of the field as them.

 

Downside is if there’s a hiccup, having a sick child and  someone turns up at random, it can really throw me off and become very stressful to me.

 

Positives

Routine is a big thing in our house and the fact they are neurodivergent like me is a massive positive as we all thrive on fixed routines and it means we all no what to expect day to day, 

A positive  is that I do not follow the normal path of life. I just go with the flow with my kids as they are me and I find we enjoy each other’s company far more.

I learn very quickly when I hyper focus so when my kids have problems within their neurodivergent traits I can research and learn how to help them implement positive therapies/physio/self help easily within our home.

 

Another positive is I also fully understand why my child is feeling that way and can often help far faster as I’m on the same side of the field as them

 

Negatives

I can’t do homework at all. I simply cannot sit and do it with the kids therefore someone else has to. I am dyslexic too, so teaching them to spell and read is beyond me.

 

Another is play. I cannot do imaginative plays like tea parties and that kinda stuff. I struggle with close contact too, so when my kids are on me a lot. I become severely overwhelmed.

 

Anonymous- Parent of two neurodivergent children 

Challenges of a Neurodivergent Parent

– Dealing with other people who may not be tolerant or understanding

– Dealing with challenging behaviours, meltdowns, not being able to communicate with my child 

– My child not having the skills and abilities to live an independent life, I will always have to make decisions on her behalf. 

– In the past I struggled to bond with my neurodivergent child.

 

Positives

– Being entitled to more help and support than most parents.

– Having the skills and knowledge to help others who may be going through similar situations.

– I have a stronger relationship with my parents who faced their own struggles raising me as a neurodivergent individual and feel I have forgiven them for mistakes they have made that had an impact on me in the past.

 

Negatives

– Feelings of not being the same as other parents, at one time I described myself as “not a normal mum” before my younger, neurotypical child was born.

– My daughter will always be dependent on me and in some respects, this restricts how I live my life and the decisions I make as her welfare is paramount.